July 20, 2024 | Vanessa de Largie
TURN-OFFS
1. Low Libido
Sex is an integral part of my life.
If you’re a man with a low libido – it’s not going to work. I’ll end up resenting you!
I make sense of the world through my sexuality. And it’s not something I’m prepared to negotiate on.
2. Men that hate oral sex
Fellatio is my favourite sex act and having my pussy eaten would run a close second.
If you’re not into oral sex – you’re not the man for me. It’s quite literally a dealbreaker.
3. Clinginess
I detest clinginess. I’m a loner and require LOTS of space. I don’t like living in one another’s pockets and I certainly don’t require constant contact throughout the day.
4. Tightarses
In Australia, a tightarse is a person that hates spending money. I have always been a generous person when I have money. If you’re a bloke who whines and moans about taking a girl out to dinner. Please stay the fuck away from me. Stinginess is unattractive and the trait usually bleeds into other areas of life.
5. Stupidity
One of the perks of working as a columnist is getting to connect with a lot of intellects and academics. Italian economist, Carlo Cipolla once said: “Non-stupid people always underestimate the damaging power of stupid individuals.” Spending time with men who lack the ability to have deep conversations on a wide range of issues – dries my cunt right up.
6. Bad spelling
If you don’t know the difference between their and there, your and you’re or lose and loose. Keep your distance. I am a writer. Words are important to me.
7. SMS language, emojis and thumbs up
SMS language should only be used when you are sending a text on your phone. It is not appropriate to use in emails, letters or Facebook statuses.
I am attracted to men who write full, coherent sentences.
Several years ago, I witnessed an Australian Senator write the word ‘enuf’ in a Facebook post. Disgraceful.
While we’re at it. Keep your emojis and thumbs up to a minimum too.
8. No bath
I don’t open my pussy lips for men who live in houses without baths. I am a mermaid. I finish each day with a bubble bath and have done for over twenty years. Baths are a necessity for my sexual health, mental health and spiritual health. No bath? No me, I’m afraid.
9. Fussy eaters
If you’re a fusspot when it comes to food. PLEASE STAY AWAY.
If you’re a fruitarian, pescatarian, vegan, vegetarian or have massive food allergies. STAY FAR AWAY.
I love my tucker. I love sampling different cuisines and dishes.
I am quite adventurous when it comes to food. I find fussy eaters a pain in the arse.
10. Non-drinkers
I prefer men that drink. You don’t have to be an everyday drinker or a raging alcoholic.
But I like to have a glass of wine with a meal.
I like to have the occasional cocktail.
And I love to celebrate with a champagne.
These moments aren’t as fun with a non-drinker. Though there are exceptions to every rule.
TURN-ONS
1. A brain
It’s a no-brainer
2. A beautiful hard cock
I like strong erections.
3. Wit
A definite turn-on.
4. High Libido
Passionate and sexually needy men are the BEST!
5. Men that love sport
I love tennis, football, soccer and more. I find men that love watching sport and playing sport sexy.
6. Guns
I’m not talking about the guns you kill people with. I’m talking about men’s arms. It’s pretty arousing seeing a man’s bicep peeking out beneath his t-shirt (when it’s done in a non-obvious way).
7. Open-minded
There is nothing more beautiful than a man with an open mind. It makes me feel understood.
8. Cultured
It’s another dealbreaker. I have been part of the Australian arts scene since I was a little kid in Perth. Art, music, film and literature have always been a part of my life. And whilst it’s not necessary for a lover to be a creative himself. It is necessary that he has a genuine respect for artists and their obsessions.
9. Broad shoulders
I think most women prefer broad shoulders on men. It gives off the signal that he could defend and protect you.
10. Compassion
I quite literally have an allergic reaction to people who lack compassion. Sensitivity to the needs of others is a beautiful side of masculinity. Sadly, it is very rarely discussed.