Resident MAXIM sex columnist VANESSA DE LARGIE tells you why angry sex isn’t necessarily a bad thing…
What is angry sex? Well, for starters, it is often referred to as ‘make-up sex’ — it’s lustful, it’s primal and it’s forceful. It usually takes place after a heated argument or tiff. It’s when anger is siphoned through a good hard f—king. In a climate of feminist outrage, political correctness and 24-hour-newscycles — ‘angry sex’ is an unpopular sport to love. Individuals who indulge in angry sex are often subjected to public shamings. Males are labelled misogynists, rapists and abusers for willingly participating in said act. Females are labelled internal-misogynists, victims of the patriarchy and enablers of violence against women. It’s unsubstantiated vitriol and in my personal opinion — it’s fear based. Sex is black, white, grey, pink, purple, leopard-skin and much, much more. It doesn’t fit neatly into a box but it often takes place inside one, (sorry, bad pun). Nevertheless, I’m here to tell you that I love angry sex. Why? Below I explore some of the reasons why.
This is not about being a victim of the patriarchy. This is about embracing my femininity and girliness. This is about wanting a man to act like a man. I don’t want a watered down version of maleness. I don’t want a duplicate of me. I want strength and cockiness. I desire the strongest mate — we may have evolved from the jungle but the mating game remains the same. I want to be hit over the head with a club and dragged back to a cave. That is, I want passion — the Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton kind. Leave your tender sex for your other girls and save your beast for me.
THE FULL-BODY ORGASMS
Rough and pounding sex is what pushes me over the precipice. It causes me to have screaming, full-body orgasms. It causes me to experience pleasure that I just don’t derive from other types of sexual activity. Sex author, Tracey Cox told the Daily Mail that anger can be channelled positively in the bedroom because it produces the same bodily reaction as danger does. “That’s why forbidden sex is usually very good sex: anger can act as an aphrodisiac,” Tracey explained.
THE REALITY RETREAT
I love angry sex for the same reason I love BDSM — it’s an escape from reality. In real life, I’m assertive, independent, opinionated and feisty. I’ve gotta have my own back because… it’s just me. As much as I embrace my independence and non-committed lifestyle, not being able to lean occasionally is exhausting. When I have sex, it’s a relief to leave my assertiveness at the door. I generally tend to surrender to men in the bedroom. I let them do whatever they please (within reason of course). It seems to work a treat — everybody goes home happy and sexually satisfied.
Angry sex has a high level of spontaneity due to its clear-cut roles of dominant male and submissive female. Is he going to pull my legs up higher? Will he push his penis into me harder or bend me over in doggie? Is he going to slap my arse, pull my hair or bang me against the wall? I like the pace and haphazard shift-changing that takes place during angry sex. It keeps things spicy.
There’s definitely a ‘safe space’ for angry sex in our sex lives and it’s an act that we shouldn’t attach shame to. I enjoyed angry sex before the assault and I will continue to enjoy it for many years to come.