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How does a man go about introducing a sex-toy into the bedroom?

This column appeared in the April 2017 issue of Maxim Magazine

Vanessa de Largie | Maxim Magazine | April 2017

There’s nothing more arousing than when a man brings a sex-toy into the bedroom to use it on his woman — and hopefully that woman is me.

I love to explore sexual pleasure with a variety of clitoral and g-spot vibrators.  But when a male partner spontaneously brings a sex-toy into my boudoir — my wetness skyrockets to a whole new level.

As far as I’m concerned, sex-toys are the greatest accessory to a healthy sex life.  They inspire kink, playfulness and dual exploration.  They feed men knowledge about the female roadmap and unlock secrets that haven’t yet been revealed.  

But how does a man go about introducing a sex-toy into the bedroom?

Is there protocols?

Is there a handbook?

Is there a secret ‘God of Dildos’ who divulges these answers?

Unfortunately not.

But thankfully, sex-toys aren’t the taboo subject they once were.  Female sexual pleasure has finally gone mainstream and so it fucking should have.  

Pleasure products for women are not only available online and in sex-shops.  But women can now purchase them at selected chemists and supermarkets — which is both necessary and progressive.

Men often ask me how they should introduce a sex-toy during intimacy.  They also ask for ‘tips’ on how to pleasure a woman with a toy.  

So, I’ve decided to collate a list.  It will have your woman SCREAMING out in pleasure in no time.  It will also score you 978 brownie points.


If you’re looking to spice up your sex sessions or provide your female sex partner with even MORE pleasure.  Communication is your ‘number 1’ stop.  These are some of the questions that you should be asking:

Does your partner enjoy using sex-toys?

Would she feel comfortable exploring this realm with you?

What turns her on and what doesn’t?

Does she prefer clitoral sex-toys or g-spot sex toys?

After a dialogue has been opened up — that’s when the real fun begins!


‘Variety is the spice of life’ is a term we often here bandied around in reference to the monotony of everyday living.  It first appeared in William Cowper’s poem ‘The Task’ in 1785.  

That poem was written 232 years ago and it’s meaning is no less relevant today, especially when it comes to SEX.

Nothing kills a sex-life more than repetitiveness. Exciting sex lives require work.  They require spice and spontaneity is the answer.

Why not purchase a sex-toy for your partner as a gift?  She could unwrap it in gift-wrap.  Or you could unwrap it in the bedroom and surprise her…  I think you should go for the latter!


‘Cliteracy’ is a term that was coined by New York conceptual artist Sophia Wallace.  Basically, it means being knowledgeable about the clitoris and how it works.  The clit is the only human organ designed entirely for sexual pleasure.  It has 8000 nerve endings.

If you’ve purchased a clitoral sex-toy for your woman, apply the vibe on her clit whilst your fucking her, (or in the lead-up to fucking her).

Clitoral toys can also be used alongside vaginal vibrators, which will give her a blended orgasm, (both g-spot and clitoral together). Meow.


Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy clitoral orgasms but I LOVE g-spot orgasms.  I have a large collection of g-spot vibrators that keep me happy and healthy.  

You need to learn where the g-spot is.  There’s a heap of info online about how to find a woman’s g-spot.  And once you find it  — the heavens will open up to you.

PS:  And don’t forget the lube!