How to explain your porn habit to her

Vanessa de Largie | Maxim Magazine | October, 2016

As a woman who LOVES watching porn.  I was hoping that the female-visitor ratio to Pornhub would be higher. It seems many women still feel conflicted about porn. They choose not to view it and feel uncomfortable when their male partners do. Having a female partner that doesn’t understand your porn usage can cause unnecessary stress.  Below are some tips on the best way to explain your porn habit to her.

EVOLUTION

Facts come in handy when you’re defending your porn habit.  How can any woman argue with a billion years of evolution? Men aren’t designed to be monogamous. They are designed to spread their seed and procreate. Men can’t fuck every woman they desire. So, porn gives men the variety and experimentation they crave without literally having to go elsewhere. Sharing this fact with your woman could bail you out of the naughty corner!

HOW CAN HE LOVE ME AND WATCH PORN?

This is the big question on many women’s lips.  Men’s brains are wired differently. Men tend to compartmentalise. Think of a tool box. (pardon the pun).  Work goes in one box, family goes in another, friends go in another — you catch my drift. But none of these boxes actually touch one another. In short, pornography goes into one of their boxes.  To them, it stands alone and has no connection to love or relationships. Reassuring your female partner/s that one has nothing to do with the other will make your life easier in the long run.

BE INCLUSIVE

Sometimes the best way to explain your porn habit to her is to get her to join in on the fun. Find appropriate porn-clips which coincide with what turns her on sexually. I love watching porn with my male partners.  It’s a great entree to sex and can often heighten the experience for all.

PORN IS ABOUT THE “ACTION” 

For most men, porn is about the action of sexual acts. It’s about obtaining instantaneous sexual gratification.  In most cases, once a male ejaculates — the porn film is turned off and life goes on. Many women fail to understand this and make assumptions.  Assumptions about men’s intimate feelings towards the porn-actress, etc. Explaining how porn actually works for men can clear up a lot of misunderstanding.

PORN DOES NOT DEGRADE WOMEN

A lot of women stay clear of porn because they believe it is degrading.  I believe degradation comes down to perspective. I enjoy a lot of sexual acts shown in porn which are considered degrading to women. But if I enjoy performing a sexual act and do so consensually, how on earth can it be degrading to me? There are thousands of great youtube clips and articles by sex-educators, exploring this topic more thoroughly.  Perhaps information like this should be shared with your female partner to give a more balanced view?

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No man should have to feel shame about his love and usage of porn.  Communication with female partner/s on the ifs, buts and hows can turn a bumpy ride into a smooth one.