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Don’t tell me what sex acts I’m allowed to enjoy

Vanessa de Largie | The Huff Post | May 13th, 2016

It’s 2016 and the world is becoming more politically correct. You can’t take a breath without being accused of being sexist, racist, misogynist, ageist, royalist, fascist or chauvinist.

The world takes itself seriously and whatever you do, you’ll manage to offend someone. I’ve learnt to live with this reality. What I’m not prepared to live with is political correctness entering my sex-life. My sex-life is my sex-life.

I decide my limits and boundaries.
I decide if something is demeaning.
I decide who and how many.

I’m an intelligent, well-read and widely published feminist sex-writer. Yet according to many — what I enjoy in the bedroom is apparently degrading to me as a woman. Well, I call BS on that!

Degradation is a matter of perspective. What I find degrading you might find arousing. As long as the sex-act is consensual for all parties. I don’t think it’s anybody’s business quite frankly.

Below is a list of sex-acts that I thoroughly enjoy which are deemed demeaning and degrading to women.


Recently, a writer on The Frisky suggested facials in her sex-advice column. Her article was met with much opposition.

One reader commented:

“Ejaculating on a person’s face is an act of dominance and a way of lessening that person’s worth. It’s saying (to me) that I am inferior and worthless. I am not some object to which you can spray in the face like you’re marking territory.”

I respect this reader’s viewpoint but I totally disagree. I don’t find facials degrading at all. Actually they would be my second favorite sex-act after performing fellatio.

I’ve squirted on men’s faces and they haven’t found that degrading. So why is it degrading when the roles are reversed?

I love it when I receive a spray of ejaculate over my face from a male lover. I even have a cutesy name for the act. I often say to my partners ‘Wanna facepaint?’ They love it!


I’ve had many friends tell me they’ve been horrified when men have turkey-slapped them during sex-play.

I really enjoy turkey slapping. It’s playful, it’s fun and it gets men rock hard for the main course. It’s also a great intermission if you need a breather from giving a blowjob. I’ll often turkey-slap myself with their penis mid-bj. They don’t catch on. #secretwomensbusiness


I really struggle to see how a man ejaculating on a woman’s chest or neck is degrading? Semen seems to get an awful lot of bad press. If women’s orgasmic juices, were met with the same disgust by men — there would be outrage. But that’s another article! I find it quite hot when a man gives me a pearl necklace. If only he could gift me with a diamond tiara as well.

If you find something degrading, don’t do it. But don’t try and tell me what sex-acts I’m allowed to enjoy.