The Health Benefits of Swallowing

This column for Penthouse appeared in the April 2016 print issue of Maxim Magazine

The perfect blowjob requires a certain level of artistry.  But what should a girl do when he begins to blow his horn?  Should she spit or swallow?  That is the question. I’ve always been a swallower — I never miss a drop!  My table-manners are nothing short of impeccable. But for the ladies out there who require some encouragement.  Here are some health benefits that will have you gulping his love-jizz in no time.

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Lose Weight the Blowjob Way

For many women, keeping the weight off is an uphill battle but a strict calorie-controlled diet can help.  The average male ejaculation contains up to 25 calories which means you can swallow his load guilt-free without the fear of expanding your waistline.

Sleeping Beauty

I’ve always felt tired after giving a blowjob and believed it was because of my enthusiasm for the sport.  But as it turns out, sperm is the wee willie winkie of the fellatio world — it contains melatonin which relaxes muscles, decreases nervous tension and induces a restful night’s sleep.  Who would’ve thought that a mouthful of spunk could send you to nod?  

Beat The Blues With Jizz

Feeling anxious or depressed?  Then swallowing your man’s blow could be the answer.  Sperm contains an array of chemicals including estrone, cortisol, serotonin and oxytocin — which help to elevate mood and fight depression.  In my book, it sure beats a session at the shrink.

Swallow and Lower Your Blood Pressure

Yep, you read that correctly.  A recent study suggests that getting on the penis-bottle and breathing in the baby-juice can lower your blood pressure. And I thought I was going to have to give up alcohol and sodium! #winning

Semen – The Cure for Pregnant Women

According to Professor Gordon Gallup, an evolutionary psychologist  — swallowing semen is a cure for morning sickness.  Gallup theorizes that women who are exposed to the impregnators semen on an ongoing basis are less likely to puke their guts up. 

So next time you’re preggers and hovering over the toilet-bowl.  Try hovering over your baby-daddy’s love-sword instead.

The A-Z of Goodness 

Men are like walking superfoods.  Their jizz contains a wealth of goodness including fructose, vitamin C, calcium, potassium, nitrogen, phosphorus, sodium, vitamin B12, citric acid, magnesium and zinc. Why bother going to a pharmacy or health food store when you can get a mouthful of multivitamins the dirty way?

Palatable Loveliness

I love the taste of semen.  It’s one of my favourite food sources.  There is nothing quite like a burst of anchovy-saltiness running down the back of my throat.  But If your man’s blow needs a little sweetening  — try pineapple juice, it works a treat.

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I’ve never needed an excuse to suck back the demon-seed but if you’re a woman that does — you now have many. There are multitudinous health benefits to swallowing his blow.  Your hair will shine.  Your eyes will sparkle.  And your skin will  glow.