Don’t be a pussy. Just eat my pussy!

Vanessa de Largie | Penthouse Magazine | September 6, 2016

I love to inhale cock.  I gag and I swallow. 

But the wolves who receive my harvest — are the wolves who munch on my minge.  Minge-munching is an artform.  It’s about diving in and getting soiled.  It’s about munching so vigorously — that she asphyxiates you with her thighs.

My kitty-cage is not a place where you can dump your junk — then leave.  It needs a pat. It needs your undivided attention.  Eating pussy is a necessity in the land of fuck.  It’s an invisible obligation.  Master the cunt and you’ve mastered the woman. It’s simple maths. 

Do you want to fuck a porn-star or a mattress with arms and legs? Blokes who don’t munch are doomed for the latter. Today I’m going to get my fingers wet and delve deeper into the pussy. Real fucking deep. Soaking deep. Meow.

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SMELL AND TASTE
Minge-munching should be a fine-dining experience. A bloke likes to sample the best poultry and seafood Down Under. When a woman eats clean and has good hygiene — a five-star seal of approval usually follows. When a restaurant establishes an exemplary hygiene rating. The pussy-taste-testers spread the word.

NEVER SPRINKLE ROSE PETALS ON A MAN’S SCAMPI
Note to all women: Pheromones are what allure wolves to your honey-pot not chemical sanitation. There’s only one place for fragranced vaginal sprays and that’s in the rubbish bin.  Because a cunt is a cunt is a cunt.

SOILED
Do you know what women want?  They want to see you soiled in their pussy-juice.  They want to watch you having fun in the sandpit.  So get out your bucket and spade and play. Get drowned.  Get busy.

When I suck a dick, I literally get engulfed by my own saliva. Men don’t have to guess if I’m enjoying myself — it’s very obvious.  Make it OBVIOUS to us.  Wear ‘our shine’ on your eyebrows.  Parade our scent.

MINGE-MUNCHING IS TIRING
Yep, eating pussy is exhausting.  But so is deepthroating a 10-inch-cock. So what’s your point? Good sex is a collaboration.  It’s not one-sided. So stop being a pussy and get the job done.

FINGERS, LIPS, TONGUE, NOSE – ACTION!
If you want to be the ‘cunnilingus-king’ this side of the London post-office — then I suggest you pull out all stops to excel. Fuck her pussy with your fingers.  Motor-lick her clit until her legs are shaking. And don’t stop until she is pulling your head into her muff for her final release.

SLAUGHTER THOSE TINGLES INTO QUIET
Usually after clitoral orgasms via cunnilingus or masturbation — women will crave a g-spot orgasm to slaughter those tingles into quiet.  You’ve done the hard yakka and now it’s time to fuck her mercilessly.  Don’t hold back!  #happyhappyjoyjoy #cuntlovingmen #thebigO

***

Here’s to the men of the world who love to eat pussy.  You are kings. May your souls find a place in heaven and may your penises find a thousand sluts.

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