Why you should be proud to be a wanker

Vanessa de Largie | GQ Magazine | May 21, 2018

This article was later syndicated for Maxim Magazine (online and print)

MAY IS THE ONE MONTH OF THE YEAR WHERE YOU’RE ACTUALLY ENCOURAGED TO BEAT THE PROVERBIAL MEAT.

In a world where there is a national day for hot sauce, fruit cakes, croissants, napping, siblings, frog jumping, sidewalk egg frying and Star Wars, we have to say masturbation month is one that gets a firm mark in the calendar. May 18 may be a day Melburnians honor the humble marshmallow, but May 28 is the day every man and boy is celebrated for playing with himself.

Created back in the mid-nineties by Good Vibrations, in honour of public health administrator Joycelyn Elders, who was sacked by President Bill Clinton for suggesting that masturbation should be part of sex education in schools, International Masturbation Day, (or ‘Wankers Day) celebrates your right to have a diddle. Sure it’s a good tag line, looks great on a billboard too, even better on an article headline, right? But is there anything beneath it?

Well, yes there is. Flogging your dolphin is scientifically proven to offer up a few health benefits. And we thought it about time you know them. As if men needed anymore reason to slam their hams, here are a few more.

My column about wanking in Maxim Magazine print issue

Masturbation Reduces Your Risk of Prostate Cancer

A recent study, conducted by Harvard University and published in The Journal of European Urology found that blokes who orgasm 21 times per month or more may reduce their risk of prostate cancer by up to a third. The research also shows a significant reduction in prostate cancer in men who tickle the pickle regularly. According to scientists, ejaculation clears the prostate of cancer-causing carcinogens.

It May Help You Live Longer

According to research by Dr. Michael Roizen at the Wellness Institute, blokes who ejaculate at least once a day, live four years longer than those who don’t. And if you can manage to pump out two a day, you’ll add an extra eight years to your life.

Masturbation Helps You Sleep

We’ve all had those nights where we toss and turn but struggle to switch off. Well instead of reaching for a glass of warm milk, try a five knuckle shuffle first. Masturbation lowers blood pressure and increases the release of endorphins in the body. When a bloke ejaculates he releases a chemical called Prolactin. When Prolactin is injected into rats, they fall asleep immediately. According to Live Science, it is the release of Prolactin during orgasm that is what most likely makes men feel tired after ejauclation.

Masturbation Actually Helps You Stay Hard

According to a study carried out by the American Journal of Medicine, infrequent sexual activity actually heightens the risk of erectile dysfunction. The research suggests that regular sexual activities helps to preserve male potency. As the old adage goes: If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it.

Masturbation Cheers You Up

Masturbating releases all those feel-good chemicals into the bloodstream. “An orgasm is the biggest non-drug blast of dopamine available” says American sexologist, Gloria Brame. “A brain scan of someone having an orgasm looks like a heroin addict’s.”

So there you have it, gents. Celebrate your wankery unashamedly throughout the rest of May.