Stories & Articles

Weird & Wonderful Ways For Melburnians to Keep Warm

Vanessa de Largie | Topic Media | June 3, 2012

There’s no doubt that the Melbourne winter ahead is going to be a cold one.

The good news is, there’s plenty of fun ways to keep warm – it’s not all doom and gloom.

Before you read on, why not grab yourself a warm drink and get comfortable.

Ready? Goodo!

Below I have constructed a list for how you can keep snug throughout this wild and wooly winter, whilst having a little pleasure at the same time.

Jump Into Bed With Your Lover

Everybody knows that when you snuggle up next to another, like two peas in a pod, that you feel the warmth.

There’s nothing yummier than time spent in bed when it’s icy outside.

How you spend your time with your lover in bed, is your business. All options available offer free warmth – whether you’re snuggling, sleeping, spooning or exercising.

If you don’t have a lover, grab someone else’s. This is not about morals, this is about keeping warm, damn it.

Fill Up The Tub

So you don’t have heating at your place? You’re so cold that you feel you’re about to turn into an icicle?

Well, stop whinging. Head to the bathroom and fill up your bath with hot water and bubbles. Bubble baths are bliss at any time but in winter, they are simply heaven.

There’s a reason Cleopatra was so beautiful you know? All that relaxation in those hot milk baths (well until the snake got her, at least.)

You don’t have a bath? What is wrong with you? What sane human being moves into a house without a bath? You’re just a weirdo but don’t feel bad, there’s plenty of them filling up this world.

Watch – Question Time – Australian Parliament

Feeling cold? I have the perfect solution. Why not grab the remote and tune into Question Time. If our current Australian politicians don’t get you hot under the collar with their idiocracy and make you wish you owned a gun, well then you’re obviously not human.

Get Plastered

Don’t pay attention to all that health stuff about the consumption of alcohol being bad for you. Your aim is to keep warm.

Ever noticed that when you’ve been out on the town, wearing next to nothing, that you don’t feel the cold? That’s the alcohol. Yep, alcohol is that wonderful invention which whisks us away from reality (in this particular instance – the cold). Come on, drink up. Your liver is waiting.

Start An Argument or A Fight

Peaceful people annoy me anyway, how dare they be so calm and collected about everything.

Don’t stay peaceful, calm and collected this winter – you’ll feel the cold more.

You need to get your energy up. You need to get the defences up. It’s time to bring in the fight or flight mechanisms. It’s time to create some warmth.

When we feel anger, our bodies flood with all these wonderful chemicals and we naturally feel warmer. So what are you waiting for?

Punch a hole in the door. Kick the cat. Get angry. Call your best friend and tell them you slept with their partner, why hold back? Get heated people.

Well dears, I hope this article has helped you find ulterior ways to keep warm this winter.

Have a snuggly, wuggly day.